Buzz

As I wait in long lines at Wal-Mart (yes, I know I shouldn't shop there, but I do) I am often entertained by those last minute items that catch my eye at check out.

Take the limited edition Sickers "Charged," for example. Just when i thought the Snickers bar was perfection they go and give it a caffeine upgrade. As if the chocolatey peanuty gooey confection didn't already perk me up in the afternoon, now i can get an even better buzz. And if that buzz still isn't quite strong enough for me, I have this great idea of dunking my Charged bar into a steamy Starbucks latte.


Around five o clock, when that buzz wears off, and I wish I was drinking wine and eating guac with friends, but instead I am shuttling the kids to activities and squeezing in last minute errands, I may have found just the ticket to ease my stress. Orbit's new Sangria gum may be the answer. I wonder whether the juicy goodness will relax the tightness in my shoulders or if the hint of lime tartness will boost my confidence just enough to drum up conversation with the cute guy in front of me that I'm pretending to not notice.

Should I buy it for my kids. They like fruit flavor. But on the risk of triggering some sort of addiction, I decide against it. I kind of don't want to hear my kids clamoring for some more Sangria.

Car-bage

Suddenly, I'm not feeling so bad about my car.

WHERE IS EVERYBODY?

Laguardia Airport, 2:15 PM Saturday July 26

AWESOME & SHAVING

AWESOME: I am on hiatus from the word "Awesome." I think the word started as a bridge word for adults to use to relate to kids, a word that the generations could share, but now everyone uses it as a blanket descriptive for just about anything. Parents use it to describe their children's achievements, teachers generate enthusiasm for science by labelling certain phenomenon as "awesome" (which phenomena truly is anyway, but lots of kids don't get that yet), and TV show hosts on shows such as Trading Spaces use it to compliment the young designers and their creative ideas. I just think it's overused and the last time i caught myself saying it, I felt slightly inauthentic about it and went "Ugh."


And yet, when deciding how to describe The Noxzema Bikini Shaver my initial thought was "Awesome." This is Miss B's first product endorsement, coming on the eve of an appointment for laser hair removal. After zealously waxing since I've become Florida-ized, I did the math and decided that laser is cost effective, not to mention mentally liberating.

To prep for laser, you've gotta shave the intended area. And so I bought this cute pint size razor (comes as a set of 6)and used it on the more delicate parts of my bod. I found this handy tool to be effective, painless, and easy to maneuver.

Thank You Starbucks

It was 10:30 AM, Sunday the 22nd, JFK airport. I was making my connection to Charlottetown. Since about 5 a.m. I had been plotting celebrating the first leg of my journey with a venti latte at JFK.

I waited in line for about 15 minutes. I was surveying the baked goods from a distance, debating the chocolate chip scone. Yes, no, yes, no. I had packed some delicious fennel wine biscuits in my knapsack. I could do without it. But heck I've been up for 5 hours already, I deserve something a bit more decadent. Mmmmm. Ok, i'm going to get the scone.

As I inched closer to the cashier, i noticed that each carbohydrate had a little card sitting in front of it announcing its calorie count. 480. That pretty much sealed the deal. My turn to order -- A venti non fat latte and a bottle of water please. That's it.

Follow up: Top vs. Dress

In a related fashion discovery, last night while folding laundry, I felt compelled to measure my almost twelve year olds Abercrombie jean shorts. They just looked so absolutely tiny splayed out there on the hood of the washer.

I took out my trusty 25' Stanley tape measure, the one that I use for interior design projects. I knew full well i'd need less than 1/25 of it to accuratley measure the doll-like shorts. From the button on the fly to the middle of the crotch, it is 8". My hand, from where my wrist begins to the end of my middle finger, measures 7 1/2".

My daughter has a beautiful body. I am intrigued by her beauty which incorporates the best of our genetics. It is developing earlier than mine ever did. And she doesn't understand its power. Lessons will come.

I wonder if she'll be amenable to me sewing some colorful pom pom fringe onto the hem of this 8" loincloth to give it another 2".

Drape-goat

O Rachel Ray. Even though you kind of annoy me, I thought you looked good in the coffee ad. I have no talent for accessorizing, yet I can spot the talent on others. That paisley patterned scarf, otherwise known as "what appeared to be a black-and-white keffiyeh," seemed to be so nonchalantly draped though i am sure the stylist belabored the fringe over and over again.

The scarf looked like an item you've owned for years. You know, it looks a little ratty. I didn't think Muslim extremist for one minute until the keffiyeh seed was planted in my head. At that point, I did entertain the thought that perhaps you had slept with a hot Lebanese guy, and then just kind of adopted his favorite scarf as a sweet souvenir, much like some women like to hang out in their boyfriend's soft oversized button down shirts.

This Dunkin Donuts drama has even caused a stir in the land of half-votes where i reside. For example, I was in Marshalls yesterday, detoured through accessories, and noticed this pileup of scarves (above). Just as i was out the door, men stormed in wearing orange haz-mat suits, and confiscated this very display. Apparently some body talc from the neighboring cosmetics department spilled all over the display, and someone had called in an anthrax alert. It was quite dramatic. Shoppers applauded in another symbolic win for our government.

I am fascinated by this piece of news. At this press time, Rachel Ray's website makes no note of the ad controversy, nor does Dunkin Donuts' site. For certain people, it's all been swept under the prayer rug, I suppose. But others, like me have lingering curiosity. I found some amusing commentary at Canadian Broadcasting Center, www.cbcnews.ca. Here it goes:

"I hear bank robbers and gang members wear jeans. Maybe we should ban anyone from wearing jeans in commercials. I mean seeing jeans on TV might encourage someone to become a gang member."

"Bet you Rachel Ray's now on the no fly list."

"I'm sure some poor fashion stylist has now lost their job over this nonsense."

"I think my cat just laughed."

"No one has mentioned Dunkin' Donuts complicity in this non-event by pulling the ad. Too bad they don't capitalize on the publicity by giving similar scarves to contest winners."

There are plenty more. Check out the site.

I do recognize the need for intelligent security operations, and I am sure many of these are in place, keeping us from blowing up. Thank you for that. But let's try to minimize blowing iditotic things out of proportion. Fashion police, toiletries in baggies, new mothers pulled aside and interrogated because of suspicious looking breast pumps(careful they might leak something!) -- our government is grasping at straws and overworking it to its detriment.