In memory: HELEN GURLEY BROWN

Jen and I were working on a cervical cancer awareness campaign and asked if Helen would write something for us.

Several years ago I spent an hour with Helen Gurley Brown in her office in the Hearst tower. I felt super lucky to have booked this meeting, and in I walked, along with my biz partner Jennifer Grace,   carrying a copy of her book "Having it All: Love/Success/Sex/Money... Even if You're Starting with Nothing..." Of course, I wanted Helen to sign it.

"I'm so glad we're friends. Thrilled at the wonderful work you are doing. Love and hugs... I'll resist saying kisses!!!

Published in 1982, Helen Gurley Brown begins this book with 4 paragraphs of self-deprecation following one of her many hundred appearances on The Tonight Show. She writes, "I was awful." Referring to her inability to contend with the "enormous laughs" that guest Don Rickles commanded, she says, "I am about as funny as a glob of mayonnaise on the sleeve of your new chiffon blouse."

Helen pulls herself out of the depths of self-flagellation by paragraph 5.  As her limo pulls into the splendid Bel-Air Hotel, Helen has an awakening. "I'm here at this lovely hotel, in this lovely city, doing The Tonight Show I remind myself, because they asked me, I didn't ask them."

Never fear....the book gets juicy and fun as Helen Gurley Brown dispenses advice on how to be at the top of your game in love, sex and work even if you may have not been dealt all the beauty and brains cards from  the start. Her tips are still relevant; her phrasing is quite charming.  Here're a few of my favorite HGB-isms.

On meeting a man at a supermarket:
"Look in his basket and ask where he found the dill mayonnaise. If his basket reveals too much cat good or sanitary  napkins forget it -- he has other interests."

On inter-office sexual tension:
"I think sexual tension and electricity between men and women in an office help get the job done. Trying to please somebody you're nutty about can be productive."

On dressing for success:
"There just isn't any reason to hack your way up in tweed of gray flannel. Blending in with the furniture is one way to 'dress for success' but not the only way."

On orgasm:
"Believe me, men would fake if they could -- I feel sorry for them because they can't -- at least not very effectively."

On Having It All
"Having work you love is as important as having somebody to love - not more important but just as."

On the last page of the book:

"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail."

BEACH ETIQUETTE: To Wave or Not To Wave

As I walked along the sparsely populated beach, I said hello to everyone but the woman in the red bikini. I mean, I tried to say hello to her. I turned my head and looked her way. I was totally up for doing the nod of acknowledgment, but she was not interested in making a connection. She had two chances to make eye contact with me, but passed up both opportunities, choosing to keep silent behind sunglasses and a floppy hat. Everyone else that I passed today acknowledged me with either a half-wave, a nod and smile, or a verbal greeting.

These ladies were friendly and nice despite their lack of fresh fish.

The beach walk got me thinking about social interaction. I had some really good thoughts which I can't seem to conjure up at the moment. Seriously, I was composing some of the best stuff in my head as I walked along with no paper or pen. Are we more vulnerable in bikinis and therefore nicer? Is it harder to avoid others when one can't hide in a crowd? Are people just un-stressed and more open to each other on the beach? No hard conclusion yet. More research needed.

Me and two wet dogs.

But, I felt great. I was invigorated each time I shared a smile. I returned smelling a bit like wet dog, but it was worth it. And I found some excellent shells.

Boo-ed at a Lovefest

Sammi hugs a parader.

We were booed at a love fest. Seemed like quite the paradox. Felt like shit.

It happened in Seattle during the beautiful Solstice Parade where naked people were painted extraordinarily and summer celebrators were costumed beyond the imagination. Paraders came up to us and we hugged them. We waved to all. I cheered.

It was totally joyous until we had to leave.

There was one exit route and we patiently waited, along with other cars, till a nice police officer, temporarily halted the parade from moving and waved us through. As we drove the 100 yards to the clearing, we were booed.

"Why are they booing us?" my kids asked. My sister and I came up with these possible reasons:
1. because we were parade party poopers.
2. because our exit momentarily stopped the parade from advancing (mind you, the music and dancing still went on)
3. because we were driving a vehicle that required gas (Toyota) rather than a bicycle.
4. Maybe because we weren't naked.
5. Because negativity thrives in a crowd.

Either way, being booed sucks. The boo-ers just categorized us as bad interrupters. They don't know that my sister, aka the driver, gives so much of her time and money to a dozen local charities and organizations. The booers don't know that I do much of the same in my own way, writing stories rather than writing checks. And my kids in the backseat, totally innocent,  totally reforming their opinions of Seattle.

I regret not capturing the ugly puckered-lip squinty-eyed faces of the jeering crowd.

SKECH-Y INTEGRITY

Photo from here

We've are a "No Skechers" household. My footwear boycott began about 12 years ago. I had bought a pair of Skechers flip flops and they broke within a week, quite inconveniently while I was down in Soho. I cabbed it back uptown directly to Skechers on the Upper West Side. I wasn't amused. I left with a new pair of flip flops.

Two weeks later one flip flop broke again. I was starting to get a complex about the way I walked. I was also starting to get angry about shoes failing at totally inopportune times. I returned to the store.

"You know what, I just want my money back," I said, adding in my mind only, "And $30 for cab fare."

"Our policy is store credit only," someone replied.

"Is your policy also to sell shoes that break twice prematurely for no reason at all," I might have responded.

"I'm sorry," someone said insincerely.

"I'd like your corporate customer service number and address," I said. My mother is a pro at complaint letter writing.

They wouldn't give it to me. But they did give me another credit which I should have torn up in a dramatic exit. But I didn't. It was then that I vowed never to buy Skechers again for me or my children. And I stood my ground though at times it was hard especially at the mall when my kids looked at the sparkly light up shoes with desire.

Alas, even though I am pretty good about letting things slide, I held onto the Skecher grudge and then this week was kind of happy when the company got slapped with a class action suit for making false claims about certain shoes.

Karma.

Allegiant Air: AT CHECK-IN, CUSTOMER SERVICE CHECKS OUT

An incident today at the Greenville/Spartanburg airport between an Allegiant employee and a customer leaves me wondering, "Whatever happened to customer service?"


My boyfriend and I were in line to check in for our flight back to Ft. Lauderdale.  There was a nice looking couple ahead of us and one Allegiant  representative behind the counter. She was not tall but I could spy her behind the pens and fake flowers. She did not look up.

After a few minutes of waiting without a word, I asked the couple if they had been acknowledged yet. They said, “Yeah, they said, 'If you're going to Ft. Lauderdale you have to wait.' They won't check you in till 9:20. If you’re flying to Sanford though, that’s different.” 

We waited a bit more. The Allegiant employee never said anything, nor did she look up. The line grew from 4 to 14 quickly, and 2 more Allegiant workers showed up behind the ticket counter. Neither one acknowledged the line. Then came a wave.

The couple ahead of us moved forward. Then, we were waved over. While we were checking in, a man, clearly hurried and harried, came up to the counter. 
“Sanford?” he asked. “Did the flight to Sanford leave?”

“It pushed back,” the attendant said flatly without looking up.

“Can I get on it?”

“No, the flight was closed ½ hour ago.”

“But it doesn’t leave till 9:50,” he contested. It was 9:15ish.

“The flight leaves at 9:30” she replied, still staring down at the computer.

“Is there any way I can get on it?” he asked again.

“No."
“What should I do?” he asked, clearly upset.

The attendant still did not look at him. “You can buy a ticket to Ft. Lauderdale or St. Pete,” she offered without the slightest atom of compassion.

“#&*! U” responded the man who succumbed to dickishness.

My BF and I checked in, and got comfortable at the gate. About 20 minutes later I noticed an Allegiant plane just beyond the window. It was stopped just a few feet from our gate's jetway. I asked the BF, "Are they towing that in? Is that our plane?” He was engrossed in something on his iPad and didn't answer. I went back to my work.


A few minutes later, about 30 minutes since checking in, I looked back up. “Hey where’d the plane go?” I asked. From where I was sitting, I couldn’t see it. The BF went to the window. There was no plane! "That wasn’t out plane. That must've been the plane to Sanford," he said.


I understand regulations and duties, but I don't understand unnecessary rudeness. Perhaps airline employees should be trained on handling stressed out passengers who may miss or do miss their flights. Maybe the new fee for carry-on bags could go toward paying an airline concierge who could step up as needed. If airline employees  practice dispensing bad news with a glimmer of humanity maybe passengers wouldn't get so dickish.

Sad and Inspired by Roadside Memorials

A recent memorial for John, a high schooler who lived in the neighboring town

When I was a tried and true pedestrian in NYC, I didn't pay much attention to roadside memorials because there really weren't any in Manhattan. When I moved to Florida and became a driver, death at or because of the wheel seemed way to common. I was inspired to create something positive from all the loss.

Nothing came to fruition....the story of most of my "good ideas" -- but I still think about that "good idea" and just wanted to put it out here. It goes something like this....

There is a multi-location one night awareness campaign, taking place in galleries coast to coast.
 
The event is underwritten by sponsors such as Ford, AT&T, Absolut, Microsoft, etc.

Prior to the event, there is a nation wide push for people to send photos and stories about memorials that they saw everyday. Of course, there is a deluge of response all over the country -- it can't all go up on gallery walls, but it can all be catalogued somewhere else.

Galleries are filled with photos - of all sizes -- of roadside memorials. Perhaps there is some sculpture too. Images are submitted from professional photographers as well as from family, friends, just average shutterbugs. Short stories about the people who died go with the photos.

Crowds will gather at these galleries and make a suggested donation that goes toward education, funding texting/driving laws, MADD, etc. Art is for sale too.

It is be a dry event :( -- I think having the strength to abstain is a very positive message -- but there are exceptional healthful non-alcoholic cocktails and awesome food.

There is celebrity talent involved at each location -- music, comedy, etc.

There are airbrush tattoo artists who decorate patrons with tattoos designed especially for that evening -- ones that get the message of safe driving. So everyone can leave decorated with a message.

The simultaneous events will be live on-line. 

So that's what's been in my head all these years. If you are reading, and think this should happen too, and really have the wherewithall to make it happen, please contact me. I would love to be a part of it. And we will definitely have to have one of the events in Miami. Cool?

Rebecca Mieliwocki: Teacher of the Year

Photo from ABC News

The 2012 Teacher of the Year is a 7th grade English teacher from Burbank, CA who calls herself a "goofball." Rebecca Mieliwocki tried careers in law, publishing, and event planning before acknowledging that teaching was simply in her DNA, as both her parents were public school teachers.
Rebecca takes her job seriously and performs it with humor and optimism and gratitude.  She says other teachers have contributed to her success and she feels an everyday obligation to shine. Per an interview in the LA Times, Mieliwocki says, “Our children are our future and that I have a hand in guiding and shaping that future compels me to make every minute, every lesson, every moment with them count."

I have a folder filled with student notes and drawings. If "my kids" have free time, I always let them know that I accept small notes and pictures. I never leave empty handed.

Just for the heck of it I googled "Substitute Teacher of the Year Award." It seems that some states -- such as TX, SC, and OR -- do celebrate the merit of those strangers who step into the classroom at a moment't notice. When I googled "Florida Substitute Teacher of the Year Award," I got nothing relevant. Though there is no award in my state (currently), I will continue to sub and be earnest in my mission to prove that learning is cool. To this day, I remember when a 3rd grader asked, "Hey Ms. D -- this is fun!! Are we learning?"And they were.