Tales of a Substitute Teacher: End of Year Summary

Fruit of knowledge.

As the Broward Country public school 2013-2014 year ended yesterday,  I was reflecting on my time as a substitute teacher. I like being a part of the education system. I relish the intellectual and creative interaction with the kids (if given the opportunity), welcome the chance to refresh my knowledge about taxonomy or Romeo & Juliet, and of course, I enjoy checking out the decor in each classroom and the art projects (or lack thereof) hanging in the halls.. And, I also welcome the reliable, albeit disproportionately low, paychecks. (FYI: Substitute teachers in Fort Lauderdale make $11.27/hr. and subs in Long Beach, CA make $22.34/hr).

Notice Column 1's "Spending Time" response on this middle school project

This year I subbed at 9 different schools, for about 30 classes, and got a bunch of hugs, some respect, and the finger. Here are some random thoughts about my year as a substitute teacher...
 

The sneaker parade never ceases to amuse me.

• You can learn a lot about fashion while subbing. 

The little things matter.

• I so wanted to LOVE teaching middle school, but most middle school kids LOVE having a sub so they can especially goof off. Consequently, I fell back in love with teaching 2nd-4th grades. In those classrooms, I get hugs, notes, free art, and respect.
  
  
  

• Lucked out one day while subbing at West Glades Middle. There was a special anti-bullying assembly starring Brooks Gibbs and he drove home the "sticks and stones" message really well. When he said, "Words are just words," Jane the writer's ears pricked up in a "Oh, really????" kind of way as I thought about all of those times I carefully selected just the right word. But I get what he meant in the context of his presentation.

• I was totally unaware that "I don't feel like doing this" was an option. One day while subbing for an 8th grade science teacher, I handed out worksheets about skin cancer and most 8th graders handed them back incomplete before the end of class because they simply weren't in the mood.  

• Yo, teachers, this can be a lifesaver: When a unisex name and an androgynous appearance have you confused as to the gender of a student, refrain from using pronouns and simple call that student by their proper name. I once used "he" when referring to a girl...and trust me, you do not want to suffer through making that error.

Dream rooms on display

• They have Interior Design 101!!

• Some science classrooms have a backdoor which opens to a common faculty area where there is a near-private clean bathroom. If you have ever subbed at West Glades Middle, you know what I am talking about. This year I had a renewed enthusiasm for subbing science.

• While subbing for 9th grade English, I discovered that the answers to worksheets are readily available on the internet and that if not watched closely, students will access the answers and cheat.

• Keep your iPhone in your pocket or out of site.

• In middle and high schools, cell phones are a clear obstruction to learning even though kids will tell you music helps them study and that their teacher says it's ok.

My favorite gifted drawing yet.

• Kids always try to guess my age. Most guess younger, much younger, and I am flattered. Middle schoolers have referred to me as "the cool surfer sub" and a third grader has drawn me as a sprightly young thing. 

• There are silver linings even to the most challenging substitute teaching gigs. While the morning that an 8th grade student at Forest Glen Middle School told me to basically "F--- off" was a tearful disaster, later that day, one of my students played the violin for me. That was also emotional, but I did not bawl. So, clearly, the day ended on a high note!

• I have come to realize that I still suck at deciphering traditional poetry.

Subbing high school English on V-Day was a visual treat.

• High school love is measured in cupcakes, teddy bears, and balloons. 

• The student body can be a wonderful source for socio-cultural enlightenment. Not only am I there to teach, but I come to learn! Hence..."The Vocabulary Lesson".

Let's just call this: Embellishing History.

• If you teach middle school, you will undoubtedly meet Mr. Dick Page, and just know that during class, when a student discovers a drawing of a penis in a text book, there will be 5-10 minutes of unruly behavior that follows.

While my year as a sub has ended, my interest in education continues and I will be doing little things throughout the summer that will make me a better sub next fall. I already found one article on replicating Van Gogh's ear that can be an interesting addition to a discussion on genetics or 3 D printing (7th grade and higher). I believe that even a sub can improved the quality of education and am doing what I can to support my theory!

happy summer y'all.

TALES OF A SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Optimistic Teacher's Bubble Bursts

I subbed 9th grade English and all I got was a lousy headache and this paper sculpture!

I open the door of Room 1015 and hover near the entrance. Upon seeing me, rather than the regular teacher, most of the students inevitably ask, "Do we have a substitute?" The answer seems fairly obvious to me.

Perhaps I should be warmed by the instant joy that follows. Perhaps I should be flattered when they blurt out, "We thought you were a student". With each new class that I greet, I am hopeful that we will have a fruitful 55 minutes together.

After taking attendance I pass out the assignment, ask them to take out a separate piece of paper and a pen. At the first request a few people do what is asked. At the second request a few more have paper and something to write with. I walk up and down each row, and personally ask the remaining students to get out the necessary things. A few students still don't make a move.

Just as I'm thinking substitute teaching feels more like babysitting, students of child development are required to carry and care for baby dolls the whole day. This particular public high school also has a daycare on campus.

It's not just this lack of response that begins to deflate my natural penchant for optimism. It is also the incessant high-volume conversations volleyed across the room despite my asking for quiet. It's also the phone use that continues on-top-of-desk, under-desk, in-pocket, and in-backpack despite repeated requests to not use phones. And it is the abundance of barely-done classwork that I collect at the end of class. Period after period, the routine goes something like this. The behaviors become predictable, and it seems as thought I am merely running a daycare.

I decide not to take it personally, but choose to blame the "bad day" on the tough crowd, the typical treatment of substitute teachers. and a bad choice of classwork. What would you do if you had no formal introduction to Shakespeare, had not yet begun to read "Romeo & Juliet" in class, and yet, on the eve of spring break, were asked to answer 4 pages of questions on the literary devices used in the story?

Exactly!

It takes a lot to bum me out. I am a half-full kind of girl. I don't mind challenges, because the break throughs are all the sweeter.  I guess what I am saying is that being a substitute teacher has its moments, that a lot of kids do not behave well in school, that if I had known that we were doing "Romeo & Juliet," I would have studied up on it a smidge, and come to class prepared to parlay some of the insight that I got from reading the story in Tr. Janet's 9th grade English class, and that spring break is here at just the right time.

at one point in the day, I actually did this, and inevitable went "south" again.

Tales of a Substitute Teacher: THE F BOMB

A glimpse at the books in the classroom leads me to believe that clearly these kids do not care who is The Boss.

Today was a day of firsts: the first time I subbed at Forest Glen Middle School in Coral Springs,the first time that I was sent to a class without a roster or some semblance of school procedures, and my first time subbing social studies in middle school. More monumental than any of these firsts, however, was having a student basically tell me to "F off" and then tears that ensued. Mine not hers.

It happened ten minutes into class. I asked her, for the 4th time, to please stop talking, when she responded with something like, "Why are you f-in on my case?" and then again with something like "What is your f-in problem?" As I was trying to get the attention of the teacher next door, the curser walked out of class. I made an attempt to prevent her exit, but there was no stopping her. After she left, is when I cried.

How I wish I could just suck it up, but that has never been my M.O. I get upset and probably take it too personally.  I did not want to show my sensitive side or worse -- emotional weakness -- in front of the students, but the tears came, my throat tightened. I was unprepared for the interaction and it really shook me up. I wasn't bawling, but I was noticeably upset. Some of the students seemed genuinely sympathetic.

After some pacing and deep breaths, I calmed down and called an administrator. I told her what happened. She began, "I don't know what sort of behavior management you are using..." The thing is, besides calling security to the room, there are few tactics that work in a class full of children who don't want to learn or listen.

One of my twitter pen pals Joe Iacovino suggests this as a possible response: "How eloquent and witty. So tell me, did you come up with that all by yourself?" I like Joe's suggestion and am open to any others. If you are a sub and you are reading this blog, how do you deal with a room of full-blown non-listeners and outright rude students?

Boy with Plan: Daniel expects to go to Dillard High School for the Performing Arts next year.

As far as substitute teaching goes, this was overall a pretty dismal gig (and I have a high tolerance for dismal). But the day was not without bright spots.I enjoyed some positive interaction (though challenging for sure) during 1st and 3rd period and I also loved hearing Daniel, a 5th period student, play the violin. While the incessant chattering, paper throwing, and arm wrestling kept this 5 minute concert from reaching pure nirvana, it was awfully splendid considering.

Tales of a Substitute Teacher: VALENTINE HIGH

I kept thinking, "Ted."

water, please.

Perhaps my least favorite type of cookie... what they lack in taste, they make up for in looks.

I was excited to substitute teach  on Friday, February 14th because I knew that the Coral Springs High campus would be rich, not only with chocolates, but also with Valentines Day eye candy. While elementary age kids swap cards, middle and high school students raid Walgreens, CVS, and Publix for commercial sentiments such as balloons, stuffed animals, flowers, cookies, and sweets.

75 minutes of fresh air is a rarity during a teacher's day

Festive KD 6 Christmas Nikes

As far as substitute teaching went, a triple threat hampered quality work. First, the parade of hearty hoopla and flow of sugary products made for constant distraction. Second, a 75-minute evacuation due to a suspicious phone call took us (roughly 2,000 people) to the football field where we sat in the bleachers and practiced our wave on a glorious sunny day. Third, it was Friday and somehow Friday afternoons are confused with Saturdays.

THE OLD MAN WHO ROCKED MY WORLD

The Tamarac movie theater is very popular with the seniors. Tickets are $4 a show except on Tuesday when they are $ 2. At this homey cinema, men are still considered "gentlemen."

Howard Hurwitz sat down next to me at the $4 cinema. In a theater with about 300 seats, 30 of them filled, he chose to sit right beside me. While I am partial to aisle seats, I sat one in from the aisle on Saturday, thereby leaving the seat to the right of me free. And there Howard plunked himself down, khaki pants and a plaid shirt accented with a black lumbar support brace, his chrome cane parked between his legs.

Really?

My first reaction, I confess, was not one of joy. I thought about moving over a seat. I saw other people do it when their space had been invaded. I didn't get up. I couldn't. I was scared the move might hurt his feelings. I was concerned the action would be construed as anti-social (because indeed it is) and I didn't want to make the guy feel bad.

I stayed and proceeded to try and get his attention, say hello, acknowledge him with a smile. How could we share an armrest and not know each other to some degree? I looked his way.  He did not look my way. So I looked the other away. In a few seconds, I tried it again. Same thing. This was a tad awkward. (In hindsight I attribute his slow start to being momentarily enchanted by my comparative youth.)

Eventually we engaged in conversation, straining to hear each other over the loud ads. We talked movies mostly. Hey, like I always say, "When at the movies..."*  Howard goes to the movies twice a week on average and always on Tuesdays when admission is $2. As it turns out, did not care for American Hustle but liked The Book Thief and Philomena very much. He usually steers clear of comedies and sci-fi; Howard prefers "substance."

Once Dallas Buyers Club started, we stopped talking. When he caught sight of Matthew McConaughey's bony body in a hospital gown, Howard nudged me and whispered, "He should eat a good meal."

We enjoyed the film and sat for while after. I was happy to talk to him. Howard is "retired and working." He works for AARP 3 days a week at a center that caters to less fortunate seniors. Many go to the center to play games, get a good meal, and do some crafts. Howard said he often cries at the end of a day. Howard came to Florida via NJ. He and his wife moved down in the 80's and she passed away in 2002. He was seeing another woman for a while but not anymore. She was a Republican, he confided, and shook his head.

Howard and I were the last 2 in the theater. When the cleaning guy came in, I said, "C'mon Howard, we better go."

On the drive home, I thought about Howard a lot. The old man stirred up all sorts of feelings. I kind of wished I had asked him out for coffee so I could have heard more about his life. And I wished that I had asked him to take a selfie with me.I am glad Howard took the seat beside me. I am glad I did not move away and I intend to return to the Tamarac movie theater on a Tuesday afternoon and find him.


*I've actually never said that before.

TALES OF A SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: MEET MR. DICK PAGE

Discovered in a 7th grade English textbook during first period, I took the book away to prevent an eternity of laughter over "Dick Page" in each subsequent class.

Only slightly less monumental than the cave paintings at Lascaux are the human phallus likenesses found anywhere pen-toting adolescents roam. They are rampant in middle and upper school, appearing randomly in books, on class notes, and ingrained on bus seats. These sketches of a sexual nature, that broach vandalism and self-expression, have inspired me to create two characters -- Mr. Dick Page and Mr. Dick Doodles -- who may at one point appear in the titillating screenplay I've been plotting.

At my request, my daughter captured this image "in the field" otherwise known as "the school bus."

My good friend, Deborah Grayson, is a revered clinical psychotherapist and professor who doses out sexual therapy as as some might recall recipes.  The soon-to-be Dr. Grayson provided professional insight on this growing adolescent art form, "For as long as the world has been spinning, penises have been at the heart of a boy's universe. It's handy (wink, wink) and fascinating!" For this very reason, Grayson explains as I strain to hear her at a cousin's rock concert, you don't see many vagina drawings. The vagina, tucked away, largely remains a mystery even to those who have one.

11th grade boys in the back of the room created "Dick Doodles" during an in-class assignment.

As Grayson mulled this over some more in a pre-caffeinated state one morning, she suggested, "The equivalent for a girl would be breasts. I think girls would be more apt to draw them for the same reason boys draw dicks. It's their own personal calling card." To date, I have not, when playing substitute teacher, found any boob drawings in my class, but you know, my eyes are pealed!

UPDATES:

Discoverdd at Forest Glen Middle, Social Studies Book (2.24.2014)

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Hey teachers, parents, and others: While de-facing a book or bus seat with any kind of drawing is wrong and would require discipline, how do you handle random sex-themed sketches on notepaper?

TALES OF A SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Living Things Garland

Taxonomy Tags by Lyons Creek Middle School 7th graders

One of the perks of being a substitute teacher is that I get to re-learn cool stuff and then use this resuscitated knowledge to fascinate my friends during parties and such.  One of the perks of being booked ahead for a substitute teaching job (most sub jobs are assigned the morning of) is that I can find out what I will be teaching, refresh my brain accordingly, and arrive to the classroom well-prepared. 

Some teachers believe (like my older daughter does) "you're only a sub" but Ms. Scanga, a 7th grade science teacher at Lyons Creek Middle, appreciates my dedication to life-long learning and sincere interest in actually teaching. I subbed for her recently and did a Friday/Monday combo. I booked the job weeks in advance and studied-up the night before on The Classification of Living Things. I was inspired to propose an extra credit project.

I love the fact that all the random books I collect for my collages are also filled with useful information.

On Friday, I came to class with a bunch of plain manila tags. Five minutes before the end of each class, I pitched the idea of making Taxonomy Tags - featuring a species from the animal or plant kingdoms, the common name for that species, fancy genus species name, a drawing or photo, and a couple of characteristics. I told them I would use them to make something for their teacher. The kids' first thought wasn't "Oh isn't that sweet!" or "Wow, we love extra credit projects!"  but rather "What do we get if we do it?" Candy...duh. 

i collected about 40 tags on Monday and strung the garland with ribbon on Wednesday night while watching Nashville.

I collected some excellent drawings.

Clown Fish (Amphiprion percale) were extremely popular.

different color ribbon made it festive and quirky.

Ms. Scanga loved her present and hung it proudly in her room. It looks really good!

NOTE: (if Taxonomy or evolution interests you personally or if you have a child who is presently studying it in school, I recommend checking out the Linnaen Society - a fascinating, hip website devoted to a classification system that started in the early 1700's and continues to evolve today.)