TALES OF A SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: MEET MR. DICK PAGE

Discovered in a 7th grade English textbook during first period, I took the book away to prevent an eternity of laughter over "Dick Page" in each subsequent class.

Only slightly less monumental than the cave paintings at Lascaux are the human phallus likenesses found anywhere pen-toting adolescents roam. They are rampant in middle and upper school, appearing randomly in books, on class notes, and ingrained on bus seats. These sketches of a sexual nature, that broach vandalism and self-expression, have inspired me to create two characters -- Mr. Dick Page and Mr. Dick Doodles -- who may at one point appear in the titillating screenplay I've been plotting.

At my request, my daughter captured this image "in the field" otherwise known as "the school bus."

My good friend, Deborah Grayson, is a revered clinical psychotherapist and professor who doses out sexual therapy as as some might recall recipes.  The soon-to-be Dr. Grayson provided professional insight on this growing adolescent art form, "For as long as the world has been spinning, penises have been at the heart of a boy's universe. It's handy (wink, wink) and fascinating!" For this very reason, Grayson explains as I strain to hear her at a cousin's rock concert, you don't see many vagina drawings. The vagina, tucked away, largely remains a mystery even to those who have one.

11th grade boys in the back of the room created "Dick Doodles" during an in-class assignment.

As Grayson mulled this over some more in a pre-caffeinated state one morning, she suggested, "The equivalent for a girl would be breasts. I think girls would be more apt to draw them for the same reason boys draw dicks. It's their own personal calling card." To date, I have not, when playing substitute teacher, found any boob drawings in my class, but you know, my eyes are pealed!

UPDATES:

Discoverdd at Forest Glen Middle, Social Studies Book (2.24.2014)

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Hey teachers, parents, and others: While de-facing a book or bus seat with any kind of drawing is wrong and would require discipline, how do you handle random sex-themed sketches on notepaper?