Thursday, June 23, 2011


I do not pretend to be a couples therapist or anything approximate, but from time to time I think I can look at the topic of relationships with a discerning a (if it's not mine) or at least amusing eye. I may gain some clarity on this subject at a long stop light, spying on other people, or over a few glasses of wine. My astuteness comes to me unexpectedly.

Like this evening.

There I was listening to Bob Seger's "We've Got Tonight." A classic bittersweet love song. A song that takes me back to my teens and to my best friend who shared this song with the boy who took her virginity. There I was alone in my car, duet-ing it with Bob. I can't sing for shit, and am notorious for not singing publicly. That is a good thing for the world.

And I thought, "I love this song!" I love Bob Seger's strained, gruff voice. I love the feeling of desire and the acceptance for what it is -- tonight, no promises, just be present, that I want you tonight kind of thing.

Then I thought about a friend of mine, an intimate friend with whom the seas have been rough lately...and I thought, "He would hate the basic premise of this song."

My thought process continued.

Perhaps, on the first date or so, dating people should come clean and divulge favorite songs, favorite movies and also, since the home environment is important to me, pages torn from home design magazines. I mean if my mate hands me his dream house with shiny black leather reclining sofas and a giant TV in an oak wall unit...I may just have to step away.

And this all leads me to wonder where the line is between media-generated romantic fantasy and real life want. We relate to songs not only for the rhythm and voice, but because the words stir deeper emotions attached to a fantasy, a precept, a need, an attitude. Does what turns us on in the world of entertainment set an expectation for our real life relationships?

I'm just in that wondering kind of mood.

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